


Lesson One: Don't Call Women Broads

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 14:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2312645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 5 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>"Rose & Dave</p><p>'I am not one of your fried-chicken tramps. I am a woman. [...] Now, seduce me!'<br/>- Spy, Team Fortress 2"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lesson One: Don't Call Women Broads

"You want me to help you... woo someone?" Rose Lalonde looked at her brother with equal parts suspicion, disdain, and curiosity.

"Yes. Despite figuring this is a massively terrible shitfest of an idea. I just think you can help." Dave was not making eye contact. And he was fighting hard to not go flush or get flustered. Despite this being massively embarrassing.

"And why do you need this, Dave?"

"Because you’re good at, uh, you know, the wooing? You're a wooer."

"A wooer. Dave, you've dated girls before."

"Yes. But. This is different."

Rose was intrigued. More intrigued than before. "How? Who is it? Dave..." A grin slowly twisted onto Rose's face. 

"No."

"Is it a man?"

"Rose, no."

"Because you’re asking the wrong person for help if so. Maybe try your brother slash father."

"Rose! It isn't a dude, okay? She's just... not my usual type. She's classy. You know, a classy broad."

"Did you just say broad? I can't help you. No, you know what? Lesson one, a freebie. Don't call women broads." Rose tapped her chin. "Are you saying I'm classier than you?"

Dave muttered. "Or you attract classy women."

"Because I am classy."

"Because you’re ridiculous."

"I'll help you if you tell me I'm classy."

Dave turned around. "No. Forget it. He'll no. You're a snarky rude wizard luster who somehow stumbles blindly into classy lesbian power couple vampire romance ripped out of some shitty fanfic!"

"Saaaay it. Who else is going to help you, Dave? Karkat?"

"Yes! Dude is a self-proclaimed romance expert!"

Rose crossed her arms. "Name one time you've even seen Karkat in a romance situation."

"Well--"

"Not involving his Troll Will Smith poster."

Dave Strider paused. "You're classy." He turned back around.

"Good. Now first things first. What is your usual technique?"

"Technique? Uh. I mean. They sniff me?"

"Sniff... oh. Right. Terezi. What about Jade? Come on, Dave."

Dave deadpanned. "Raised by a dog."

"Right. And..."

"Nepeta? Yeah. How do you think animals get to know each other in roleplay situations?"

Rose found herself pinching the bridge of her nose. "You know what? Just seduce me. Do it."

Dave stared. "You?"

It was either mock offense or genuine. Like all things, it was hard to tell on Rose. "Yes, me! What's wrong with me?"

"Plenty. Starting with being related to you."

"Asshole. You're seducing me, not boning me. Just do it."

Dave looked at Rose, then frowned in thought. "Okay, so, then, like, do you want to smell me?"

"Perfect. Yes. Take me. I'm yours. Let's get married and just pump me full of babies immediately."

"Uh. What?"

Rose stared at him, blank as can be. "We're done here."


End file.
